Transformers (2007)

Were it not for the jaw-dropping visual effects, I would have nothing good to say about this soulless movie that feels like it has not been touched by human hands.
If you'll pardon my French, I originally described this movie as "shit flying everywhere" and upon months of reflection, that's still the best way to put it.
I grew up with Transformers. I have most of the toys (still...many in their original boxes), comic books, and the original animated film (which at least had Orson Welles!) The purist in me was angry about how many of the characters were changed from their original items, such as Bumblebee from a Volkswagon Bug to a far more contemporary and cool Camaro, no doubt to satisfy Michael Bay's product placement/endorsement deal with Chevy.
As for the plot? Nothing worth typing about.
And yet as much as I hated this loud, obnoxious bunk, I still yelled "awesome" every time an Autobot or Decepticon morphed forms. So go figure...

1.0 out of 4